Zumba, Zumba, Zumba!

Totally slow on getting back on the bandwagon this time, but I'm not a failure unless I give up and I haven't done that yet, so I haven't failed. I have however put on about 15lbs and that actually disgusts me that I could and would throw away all that hard work, but I won't focus on it or I won't move forward. So, Bad Rachel, and now we move on.

I've signed up for a 6 week challenge at Curves and have added the Zumba/Curves workout as one of my 3 Curves workouts during the week. It's a lot of fun...even if I do have to wake up early on a Saturday to do it. I've also purchased the Zumba workout DVDs so I can Zumba on my off days from Curves. This will work better when my projector lamp comes in so I can workout in the big room, so until that time, instead of Zumba at home, I made a CD of songs that I just dance to.

Right now I'm in the process of reevaluating my eating. I've got the workout portion back on track, but until I get the eating back on track, the best I'll do is quit gaining. So that is my project tonight. That, and maybe updating the look of this blog...I think I saw a few cobwebs in the corner! :o)

Man, wouldn't it be nice!

Wouldn't it be nice to be that kind of person who once they've made their mind up nothing stops them. Those kind of people that can quit cold turkey and never look back. Alas, I am not one of those people. And as I sit here feeling queasy from eating too much I thought I'd stop by my own blog and see what's up.

I've said it before (it's starting to feel like a million times before), but I haven't given up. I never will give up completely. I'm not very good at this losing weight thing. It's the resisting food temptation that has me locked in. Food is my idol. Sad, but true. Need to work at it and I'll keep working at it until I get it. It's still a bummer. I look back and I could have totally been at my goal a few times had I just stayed on track. And it's depressing to realize that. I guess I should quit looking back. I might run into something that would hurt!

Tomorrow is a new day and a new 6 week round. I do solemnly promise that I will one day make it. I will one day reach my goal! You all are now witnesses to this promise!

New this time around is an accountability partner in the form of hubby. As an added bonus, he's going to do Zumba with me twice a week. Ain't he a keeper!

I have the tools, I know how to use them, now it's just getting out there and doing it! Pray for me. Pray hard and if you have any encouraging or motivational words/stories, advice, etc., I'd love to hear it!!!!

New level of dedication

Last week I was on this antibiotic that made me feel queasy unless I ate something. Problem was I was taking it in the evening after dinner and would eat something to settle my tummy. I bought a drumstick (the yummy Nestle kind) at a Relay for Life meeting and decided I could have that to take my meds with. Well, I'm in the van on the way home and look at the calorie content (ok, I was parked at the time and not driving...I don't recommend looking at labels and driving). It's staggering! So, I come home, put it in the freezer and instead grab a celery stick to eat with my meds. A CELERY STICK over a Nestle drumstick!

This story would be even more awesome had I not polished off that drumstick this morning. I've had a bad day of eating. I'm going to nip it in the bud right now, though before the whole day is shot. I will get back to it for afternoon snack and dinner. But, hey, the drumstick lasted in my freezer for 3 whole days! New record! And I know I can make good choices and follow through with them. Still needs work, but I'm improving and that is what matters!

Ugh! Medicine not so fun!

Ok, bad imitation of a caveman (cavewoman?) there, but I feel so ugh, I don't care. I've been following everything just fine as far as the eating plan so the only difference between this week and last week is this antibiotic that I'm on. I'm up 2lbs, but I'm not worried about it. As long as I stick to it, I'm getting healthier. But, this medicine makes me queasy, and have I mentioned ugh feeling, so I just want to whine and since it's my blog I'll whine if I want to.

Ok, I'm done. I can't stand whining even if I'm the one doing it. Only 3 more doses and I'll be finished. Probably should have guessed there could be issues with it...I mean any medicine that says DO NOT drink alcohol while taking this can't be good, right? :o)

I'm overwhelmed at the moment with life in general and overbooking myself, but I'm not going to let that derail me (although I've been mightily tempted to give in to that emotional eating monster). After this weekend things will slow a bit...mostly because I'm going to make them slow a bit. :o)

Off to start my day. I'm a Garfield, I'm a Garfield, I'm a Garfield (reference to the Garfield cats you see in car windows who stick in there and hang on). :o)

Emotional Eating

I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this before, but I'm going to do it again anyway. This Saturday was a bad day. No, I didn't fall off the wagon again, and as a matter of fact, I've stuck faithfully to my eating plan for a full week and have lost 9.8lbs! My problem was this overwhelming desire to curl up in the fetal position in a dark room where there was absolute silence. Since this is impractical when you have 4 children, let alone when you're sitting on the side of a road watching a parade, I was unable to get the silence I was craving. Things did not improve when we returned home. Did I mention I have 4 kids? Yeah, silence is not something that was going to happen anytime soon not to mention things like grocery shopping needed to be done. Without having the down time I wanted, I started getting really irritable. Like, I will literally chew your head off and feel so much better kind of irritable. I struggled to say anything nice, heck I struggled not to yell at everyone for every little thing, and I think I failed. Worst of all was the feeling of confusion...why was I so angry? The plan was working, I'd followed it without fail, I'd had a good family day...why was I so on edge? It wasn't until I laid down in bed that night that the thought hit me...I was dealing with my emotions without food. I've never mastered the art of dealing with my emotions without food. Food is how I deal with all my emotions. Happy times, we go out to celebrate. I'm upset, scared, hurt, I reach for the comfort food. I honestly don't know any other way to deal with any emotion. But after this weekend, it's a new goal of mine. I can't be that grumpy anytime I experience an emotion without being able to eat to drown it out. Lay on the suggestions...what are some of the things you do to deal with your emotions in a positive, healthy way?

It's amazing what following a plan can do!

Alright, so I admit that I only half heartedly followed last 6 weeks plan. I did manage to not miss a single workout so that was an improvement. However, by the end of last 6 weeks, I was actually heavier than I was at the beginning of the 6 weeks. BUMMER! I'm proud of myself because I didn't let that knowledge get me down. Rather I used it to get serious about this round of 6 weeks. I'm on Day 5 of this 6 weeks and have been faithful to the plan every day so far. Not only did I lose 4.2 lbs the 1st day, I'm now down to less than I even hit in the last 6 weeks...in just 4 days. If that ain't motivation to stick with the plan, I don't know what is. So. hopefully by the end of this round by sticking to it, I can get back on track on my mini goals. Will workout today and tomorrow as I have a parade to attend on Saturday. Life is good.

Back on the wagon again...

I've been back at it for a few weeks now. Finally able to get my full workouts in 3x a week after the whole kidney debacle. It was a huge struggle to get back on track with the eating, too. During the time I was sick, I put on 20lbs. Backwards just a bit...ok a lot, but it took 3 months to take the 20 off the last time and 4 months to put it back on, so I guess that it could be worse and since I have taken it off once before, I know I can do it again. Lessons learned from all of this. 1) Even the best laid plans can get waylaid. Best to have a backup plan just in case because without a plan, you'll falter. 2)I now have a backup plan which is should I ever get sick again to the point of not being able to workout, I can at least maintain the eating plan. I will not let an illness throw me so far off track again! 3)Minor setbacks should be just that, minor. I have my health back and while I took a few steps backwards, I'm not going to continue going in that direction. 4)Sometimes goals need to change. I was all excited about being able to hit the 1/1/11 goal of being to my goal weight because of the numbers, but it most likely isn't going to happen. My goals have changed to reflect new 6 week intervals with a goal of 6lbs lost per interval. Puts me into December 2011. Now, I'll probably lose faster than that, but it's a doable goal and I just have to let go of my old goal, realize I am not a failure, pick myself back up and start again. Which is what I've done.

I don't know how often I'll blog, but I did start a group on Facebook to follow my progress, encourage me along the way and encourage others to reach their goals, too. If you'd like to join, it's called Rachel's Weight Loss Buddies and the URL is http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/group.php?gid=107037375994416

I'll keep checking in here, too. This medium allows me a lot more room for my wordiness and sometimes I want to scream in frustration or in achievement and I seem to use a lot of words for both. :o)

Where have I been?

In discouragement land, but this time it's out of my control. I have been unable to workout since the middle of November due to an extremely sick kidney. After almost 2 weeks of high fever and increasing pain, it was discovered I had 2 abscesses in my kidney that required a month of drainage. The tubes were taken out beginning of January and I was to give the kidney a month to recover before the Uro. would pulverize the kidney stone causing the grief. Fast forward to my appt. @ the beginning of February and the CT scan shows...yep, an abscess in my kidney. So now I'm on a month of antibiotics which I really hope makes it go away because if not, we're looking at a surgery that would require 9+ days in the hospital.

In this whole process, I am unable to workout although I can take the inactivity no longer and have begun to do a few light exercises that don't hurt. But nothing full blown like I want and need to keep on track for my 1/1/11 goal.

So, I'm grieving the loss of my goal. I will still reach my goal, but the timing will be different and I have to accept that and move on. If I don't accept it, when the time comes when I can get back to working out, I won't go back to it because I'm not going to reach my "goal". I'm in the process of learning that sometimes we have to be flexible and change our goals and that's ok, it doesn't mean failure as long as I keep trying the best I can at any given time. It's just hard to let go sometimes.

I realize I'm talking in circles, but this is big for me. My past experiences with unreached goals ,whether from my fault or circumstances beyond my control, has been to quit. I've always looked at it as I failed, I'll just fail again so why bother? But, I'm only going to fail if I don't keep going. So I'm letting go of my 1/1/11 reaching of my goal and saying that my new goal is to reach my desired weight in 2011 sometime (depending on when I get healthy again). In the meantime, I'm going to do what I can with what is in my control...mainly eating. I'm not going to do my phases as I don't want to possibly stress my kidney, but I am making healthier choices and sticking pretty much to water for drinking. I may not lose, but I also don't have to gain. :o)

I'll keep you all posted. I can't wait to rock the circuit again!!!

I've lost 60lbs!!!!

Wow, when it's said like that it seems like a lot. It's been such a gradual process that I've had a chance to get used to my body at the various stages of weight loss. So I don't really "see" much of a difference when I look at myself in the mirror. I'm going to dig out old photos of myself so I can compare and then I'll have a better idea visually of how far I've come. But there are definitely things I've noticed. I can sit in the car and drive without my belly rubbing on the steering wheel. I can wipe my bum with ease...I know a TMI moment I'm sure, but when you have difficulty doing it, it's a joy to be able to get-r-done without becoming a contortionist. :o) I was recently at an amusement park and could ride all the rides without fear I was going to be turned away for being too fat or fear that my weight would send the ride hurdling through space killing us all (yes, those thoughts have crossed my mind). I can touch my toes...heck I can even see them! And I know I'm stronger, just ask my poor hubby who I demonstrated my new found strength on. He's now calling me Pris (reference to Blade Runner so you'll just have to watch it to find out why.) In my defense, it was not his neck I was trying to break, it was his leg. And I wasn't really trying to break it although he claimed that I could have. LOL Anyway, there are a lot of little things I can pick out to see my progress. It's cool. And while I could have lost the weight faster I'm sure, I'm glad I have done (and continue to do) the slow and steady way. I believe for me it will be much easier to keep it off as I'm making lifestyle changes that have become habit.

I'm on day 6 of my 3rd 6 week cycle and am already only 1.8lbs from where I need to be by the end of 6 weeks. Piece of cake. Plan on being ahead of my goal again. I really feel like I can keep this up! It's a great feeling!

So excited!

For those who don't me, I'm a numbers kind of girl. I love looking for patterns in numbers and my love of numbers is also what prompted me to have 1/1/11 as a target to reach my goal. Numbers are just cool! Anyway, yesterday (or the day before, now I can't remember LOL) I sat down and charted out how many rounds of 6 weeks I could fit in before 1/1/11 so I could calculate what my goal weight should be at the end of each round to hit my goal by 1/1/11. I mean if you don't set mini goals, you can't achieve them, right? Well, wouldn't you know it, Round 12 ends on 1/1/11! How cool is that?!?! 12 rounds of 6 weeks each. That just doesn't sound like a lot and I'm already in round 2! Not only am I in round 2, but I still have about 4 weeks of this round to go and I already weigh less than my goal for the end of this round. Super sweet! It's always nice to have a head start! LOL So, now the trick is to not fall back into my old pattern of telling myself that I can have that extra food because I'll have time to still reach the mini-goal. I MUST stay on track and keep my momentum going.

That was a lot of rambling. But, it really helped me by bringing a happystance especially as I have been gloomy and feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope with anything (gracefully, anyway) for a couple of weeks (ask the kids. I think they're waiting for my head to spin or something). It's a typical occurrence that happens once or twice a year where I just get into a funk. But I can feel myself coming out of the fogginess which has been my mind lately. It's the feeling of noticing that the world outside of yourself does exist and not only is it there, but it's colorful and pretty, too, so you don't really have to hide from it or reality anymore. Have that feeling? Maybe it's just me. :o)

So, time to pull up my big girl panties and deal, I've got work to do! :o)

Phase 2 Day 4 Round 2 (P2D4R2)

Been a while since I've posted. I bet you all thought I'd fallen off the wagon again...not so! I completed the 1st 6 weeks with feeling better and totally thinking that I can keep this up! Round 2's phase 1 was not nearly as hard as round 1, but it was still difficult. I don't like feeling hungry! I'm into phase 2 now and have about 3 more weeks of it. I hope to lose another 4.2lbs by November 1st to be on track to my 150 goal on 1/1/11. I think I can do it!!! :o)

Phase 2 Day 9 Round 1 (P2D9R1)

Well, now I have swung completely the other way and have no desire for food at all. It's 1pm and I haven't eaten a thing, I'm not hungry and the idea of eating semi-repulses me. I'm not sleeping, either. Now, I know this isn't healthy and I'll just have to kick myself in the butt and force myself to eat. Sleep on the other hand, I just can't seem to make myself do that. I'm not taking naps (in truth, I'm not even feeling sleepy during the day...or night) hoping that will help, but it hasn't yet. I'm starting to feel physically tired, but my brain will NOT stop thinking and doesn't seem to be close to getting tired. Very annoying. Anyhow, I'm thinking that when the kids go back to school and I get into more of a routine with that, maybe things will be better. Hope so. I wish I could just put my finger on what is wrong. I'm not depressed, don't feel trapped as I sometimes do, I just don't feel right. Oh well, this too shall pass and I'm sure I'll learn something from it. Off to force some lunch down!

Still thanking God for illness...

So I get over my head cold, feel good for one day and then wham...intestinal bug. Talk about being able to refrain from over indulging in the food department. LOL I ate what I was supposed to and that is it! I'm feeling a little better today, not quite so much pain. So plan on catching up on a little housework. I'm not going to workout today except to maybe take a walk later depending on how the digestive system is feeling. But I will stick to the eating plan. Hopefully fully recovered by tomorrow as poor hubby is having a tooth pulled and it's his turn to be babied!

Thanking God for illness

I feel like BLAH!! I have a head cold and missed my workout yesterday as the world was spinning pretty good. But to be a true optimist I have found the bright side.

1. It's a lot easier to follow an eating plan when you can't really taste the food. I've had no problem! And I've had no problem drinking my water as the decongestant makes me thirsty.

2. I am sick on a weekend! My wonderful hubby has been taking such great care of me by grocery shopping, entertaining the kids, and letting me just play on the computer, watch movies, read and do whatever else helps me feel better. He rocks!

God knows what He's doing. I was still struggling with the eating plan, getting over the withdrawal hump, constantly craving food. Because of the last couple of days being sick, the cravings are gone and I'll be able to focus on the next 23 days of my eating cycle a lot easier.

Well, off to eat some lunch. Sorry if this is rambling, but the world is still spinning a little and I'm just generally a little loopy. :o) Hope to feel better tomorrow!

Learning to appreciate accomplishments

In case you haven't noticed I've been gone a while. I didn't fall off of the wagon, I jumped! I "hated" working out and was tired of the whole kit and kaboodle. I was discouraged with my progress and had convinced myself that any results I may have seen were not equaling the amount of work I was putting into this.

Now, after some time off, I've slowly climbed back up on the wagon to take off on my journey again. Some things I noticed...I only gained 5lbs. Well, not bad, you may think and it's true...that's not bad. But the amount of inches I have put on has me kicking myself. And I have come to a realization...don't take your accomplishments for granted.

I didn't realize until I had put the fat back on, just how much I had lost in my belly area, hip area, thighs, etc. I became focused on where I was (at that moment…still so far from my goal) and not on where I came from. I came from being 282 lbs, so overweight my belly rubbed against the steering wheel when I drove, so out of breath I couldn’t hike, play or dance. Where I was at (when I jumped off the wagon) was 40+ lbs lighter, able to drive unimpeded, and able to hike, play and dance. Unfortunately my little side excursion has set me back a little, but I’ve learned some valuable lessons…ones that will only help make me stronger and give me more tools to make it all the way.

I’ve learned that every single step made toward your goal, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, is still a step forward, not backwards. I need to focus more on what I have already accomplished rather than what I still need to accomplish. I guess it’s a little like walking forward while looking backward. LOL Usually not a recipe for success, but for me, where I am right now on my journey, it’s what I need to do.

While I feel like I don’t really deserve to be offering any sage advice, I highly recommend moving forward not backwards to reach your goals. Make one small change in your life that pushes you in the right direction. But don’t forget to look back and appreciate just how far you’ve come.

Round 3 - Phase 1 - Day 2

I did well yesterday. Had some minimal withdrawals. But kept busy with HHT. Ate at Taco Bell and had the fresco steak burrito supreme w/ a side of guacamole. Tasty and 400 calories. :o) Woke up today and was 2.2lbs lighter than yesterday. Happy morning. :o) So goals for today is to just stick to it. We're going out of town for Memorial Day weekend and I've already loked up nutritional info for the restaurants we'll be eating in and figured out what I can eat. I think if I stay prepared, it will be easier for me to stick to it while on vacation. :o)

Phase 3 - 1st week

Life is good...I'm in the middle of decluttering, which is definitely NOT my favorite thing. Heck, I dislike any housework. LOL But, one thing led to another, which led to another, which led to me being banned from ever using a screwdriver again, but that's another story. :o) I organized the closet/medicine cabinet yesterday and today it's my computer armoire which explains why I'm blogging...procrastination is my friend. :o) Last week it was the kitchen and the laundry area in the living room. Next week (or later this week if I get my room done) I'll work on the rest of the living room. HHT actually asked me if I was crazy yesterday, but, no I'm not, at least not any more than usual. Once the decluttering bug bites me (which doesn't happen often mind you) I just keep going until I wear out or everything is decluttered...whichever comes first. Anyway, I'm maintaining quite nicely and enjoying eating what I really want. I had a great workout Saturday. I'd been struggling to get my numbers back up at Curves after my knee had healed, but Saturday, I had no residual (for those who are not Curves Smart members, no residual is a good thing!) and I burned 100 calories more than I had on Thursday. Hopefully I can do the same today when I go in. Ok, better get back to work.

Round 2 overview

Ok, I've been missing in action! I'm almost done with round 2 and it was pretty much a bust. I am down a teeny tiny bit in the weight department and still on target for my ultimate goal, but I could have done so much better. I have learned a few things, so I suppose as long as I'm continuing to head in the right direction and take what I learn from mistakes it's all good. :o) What I learned is that even if I know what I should and should not eat while in my 30 days, I still need to keep track and write it all down. It's too easy to slip in extra calories if I'm not keeping track. So, round 3 I will be keeping track again. I also want to revamp my food choices a bit for round 3...less processed food for snacks, and more veggies, fruit, yogurt, etc. While they have the same caloric content, I want to push it to the next level by making my calorie choices a little more healthy. I also need to blog. While I still make mistakes, I have found that I make less mistakes when I'm blogging about my days. :o) Lessons learned and I'm still in phase 2 until next Tuesday. Round 3 begins on May 17th!

Back to phase 1

Tomorrow starts my second round of 30 days. And it's spring break...who planned this? LOL I'm actually looking forward to starting again. I've stayed within my 3 lbs and only had to go back to phase 1 once in the past 2 1/2 weeks. I'll be gone on vacation, so I won't be posting for a week, but that's what is new here! :o) I haven't been to Curves as I've injured my knee and want it to heal and not do further damage. I should be back there after vacation. That's it from me. :o)

Phase 3 - Day 2

I made it!!!! 30 days of "dieting" and now I'm taking 19 days "off" for metabolic recovery and a break. LOL I lost a total of 12.6lbs and 1.1% of body fat. Now my goal for phase 3 is to maintain a weight range of 3lbs. Really not as confusing as I just made it sound. My low weight was 232.0. I now eat 2000-2500 calories a day. When/If my weight gets up to 235.0, I go back on to Phase 1 for 2-3 days until I get back to my low weight of 232.0. In this way, I will maintain my current weight and be ready to start 30 more days of "dieting" in a couple of weeks. This plan is very doable for me and I really like it. Of course I can already tell that I'm going to need to watch myself like a hawk or I'll be putting that 3lbs on pretty quickly. I'm trying not to view this as a free-for-all, just a relaxation of the rules. I'm shooting for 90% on track and healthy eating. When I'm home, it will be healthy and portioned, but if I go out, I'm splurging. :o) That should work out to 90%/10%. :o)Off to go clean the car out. YIPPEE!!