Where have I been?

In discouragement land, but this time it's out of my control. I have been unable to workout since the middle of November due to an extremely sick kidney. After almost 2 weeks of high fever and increasing pain, it was discovered I had 2 abscesses in my kidney that required a month of drainage. The tubes were taken out beginning of January and I was to give the kidney a month to recover before the Uro. would pulverize the kidney stone causing the grief. Fast forward to my appt. @ the beginning of February and the CT scan shows...yep, an abscess in my kidney. So now I'm on a month of antibiotics which I really hope makes it go away because if not, we're looking at a surgery that would require 9+ days in the hospital.

In this whole process, I am unable to workout although I can take the inactivity no longer and have begun to do a few light exercises that don't hurt. But nothing full blown like I want and need to keep on track for my 1/1/11 goal.

So, I'm grieving the loss of my goal. I will still reach my goal, but the timing will be different and I have to accept that and move on. If I don't accept it, when the time comes when I can get back to working out, I won't go back to it because I'm not going to reach my "goal". I'm in the process of learning that sometimes we have to be flexible and change our goals and that's ok, it doesn't mean failure as long as I keep trying the best I can at any given time. It's just hard to let go sometimes.

I realize I'm talking in circles, but this is big for me. My past experiences with unreached goals ,whether from my fault or circumstances beyond my control, has been to quit. I've always looked at it as I failed, I'll just fail again so why bother? But, I'm only going to fail if I don't keep going. So I'm letting go of my 1/1/11 reaching of my goal and saying that my new goal is to reach my desired weight in 2011 sometime (depending on when I get healthy again). In the meantime, I'm going to do what I can with what is in my control...mainly eating. I'm not going to do my phases as I don't want to possibly stress my kidney, but I am making healthier choices and sticking pretty much to water for drinking. I may not lose, but I also don't have to gain. :o)

I'll keep you all posted. I can't wait to rock the circuit again!!!

I've lost 60lbs!!!!

Wow, when it's said like that it seems like a lot. It's been such a gradual process that I've had a chance to get used to my body at the various stages of weight loss. So I don't really "see" much of a difference when I look at myself in the mirror. I'm going to dig out old photos of myself so I can compare and then I'll have a better idea visually of how far I've come. But there are definitely things I've noticed. I can sit in the car and drive without my belly rubbing on the steering wheel. I can wipe my bum with ease...I know a TMI moment I'm sure, but when you have difficulty doing it, it's a joy to be able to get-r-done without becoming a contortionist. :o) I was recently at an amusement park and could ride all the rides without fear I was going to be turned away for being too fat or fear that my weight would send the ride hurdling through space killing us all (yes, those thoughts have crossed my mind). I can touch my toes...heck I can even see them! And I know I'm stronger, just ask my poor hubby who I demonstrated my new found strength on. He's now calling me Pris (reference to Blade Runner so you'll just have to watch it to find out why.) In my defense, it was not his neck I was trying to break, it was his leg. And I wasn't really trying to break it although he claimed that I could have. LOL Anyway, there are a lot of little things I can pick out to see my progress. It's cool. And while I could have lost the weight faster I'm sure, I'm glad I have done (and continue to do) the slow and steady way. I believe for me it will be much easier to keep it off as I'm making lifestyle changes that have become habit.

I'm on day 6 of my 3rd 6 week cycle and am already only 1.8lbs from where I need to be by the end of 6 weeks. Piece of cake. Plan on being ahead of my goal again. I really feel like I can keep this up! It's a great feeling!

So excited!

For those who don't me, I'm a numbers kind of girl. I love looking for patterns in numbers and my love of numbers is also what prompted me to have 1/1/11 as a target to reach my goal. Numbers are just cool! Anyway, yesterday (or the day before, now I can't remember LOL) I sat down and charted out how many rounds of 6 weeks I could fit in before 1/1/11 so I could calculate what my goal weight should be at the end of each round to hit my goal by 1/1/11. I mean if you don't set mini goals, you can't achieve them, right? Well, wouldn't you know it, Round 12 ends on 1/1/11! How cool is that?!?! 12 rounds of 6 weeks each. That just doesn't sound like a lot and I'm already in round 2! Not only am I in round 2, but I still have about 4 weeks of this round to go and I already weigh less than my goal for the end of this round. Super sweet! It's always nice to have a head start! LOL So, now the trick is to not fall back into my old pattern of telling myself that I can have that extra food because I'll have time to still reach the mini-goal. I MUST stay on track and keep my momentum going.

That was a lot of rambling. But, it really helped me by bringing a happystance especially as I have been gloomy and feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope with anything (gracefully, anyway) for a couple of weeks (ask the kids. I think they're waiting for my head to spin or something). It's a typical occurrence that happens once or twice a year where I just get into a funk. But I can feel myself coming out of the fogginess which has been my mind lately. It's the feeling of noticing that the world outside of yourself does exist and not only is it there, but it's colorful and pretty, too, so you don't really have to hide from it or reality anymore. Have that feeling? Maybe it's just me. :o)

So, time to pull up my big girl panties and deal, I've got work to do! :o)

Phase 2 Day 4 Round 2 (P2D4R2)

Been a while since I've posted. I bet you all thought I'd fallen off the wagon again...not so! I completed the 1st 6 weeks with feeling better and totally thinking that I can keep this up! Round 2's phase 1 was not nearly as hard as round 1, but it was still difficult. I don't like feeling hungry! I'm into phase 2 now and have about 3 more weeks of it. I hope to lose another 4.2lbs by November 1st to be on track to my 150 goal on 1/1/11. I think I can do it!!! :o)

Phase 2 Day 9 Round 1 (P2D9R1)

Well, now I have swung completely the other way and have no desire for food at all. It's 1pm and I haven't eaten a thing, I'm not hungry and the idea of eating semi-repulses me. I'm not sleeping, either. Now, I know this isn't healthy and I'll just have to kick myself in the butt and force myself to eat. Sleep on the other hand, I just can't seem to make myself do that. I'm not taking naps (in truth, I'm not even feeling sleepy during the day...or night) hoping that will help, but it hasn't yet. I'm starting to feel physically tired, but my brain will NOT stop thinking and doesn't seem to be close to getting tired. Very annoying. Anyhow, I'm thinking that when the kids go back to school and I get into more of a routine with that, maybe things will be better. Hope so. I wish I could just put my finger on what is wrong. I'm not depressed, don't feel trapped as I sometimes do, I just don't feel right. Oh well, this too shall pass and I'm sure I'll learn something from it. Off to force some lunch down!

Still thanking God for illness...

So I get over my head cold, feel good for one day and then wham...intestinal bug. Talk about being able to refrain from over indulging in the food department. LOL I ate what I was supposed to and that is it! I'm feeling a little better today, not quite so much pain. So plan on catching up on a little housework. I'm not going to workout today except to maybe take a walk later depending on how the digestive system is feeling. But I will stick to the eating plan. Hopefully fully recovered by tomorrow as poor hubby is having a tooth pulled and it's his turn to be babied!

Thanking God for illness

I feel like BLAH!! I have a head cold and missed my workout yesterday as the world was spinning pretty good. But to be a true optimist I have found the bright side.

1. It's a lot easier to follow an eating plan when you can't really taste the food. I've had no problem! And I've had no problem drinking my water as the decongestant makes me thirsty.

2. I am sick on a weekend! My wonderful hubby has been taking such great care of me by grocery shopping, entertaining the kids, and letting me just play on the computer, watch movies, read and do whatever else helps me feel better. He rocks!

God knows what He's doing. I was still struggling with the eating plan, getting over the withdrawal hump, constantly craving food. Because of the last couple of days being sick, the cravings are gone and I'll be able to focus on the next 23 days of my eating cycle a lot easier.

Well, off to eat some lunch. Sorry if this is rambling, but the world is still spinning a little and I'm just generally a little loopy. :o) Hope to feel better tomorrow!